Another Breakup

Each time I think to myself, "this is the last one" - and then it is not. After a year of struggling to keep a relationship going, I pulled the plug and let the code blue ring. No one would die but they would sure as hell would feel like it.
The relationship was destined to crash and burn. He came into it with a houseful of sorrow and heartache. His child had been taken by a crazy mother. His yearning and love had no limits. His sorrow was his favorite companion punishing him for sins he did not committ. It was this invisible companion that kept him connected to them, and though I was present, this companion was much more of an attention getter than I was. It went on all our dates with us, our vacations, it made love with us, it went to bed at night with us and then reawakened with us each morning. Some days it was not an intrusive companion, some days it even allowed us to believe that it had left us in order to give us the space we needed to feel our love, but most days it pulled us apart and taunted us. Laughing maniacally at us as we dared to think that for that quiet moment it had left for good.
I cannot say that it is not embarrassing to once again tell my friends about yet another heart break. They have seen it before, some worse than others. The only difference is that at almost 52, the bones break and take so much longer to heal. My skin, no longer accompanied by youth, sags and blotches and is not forgiving of my tears and sleepless nights. My friends with their ever loving and patient ways, tell me that I deserve more, that it was not good from the beginning, that he is not available emotionally, that I will be ok because I am strong........all things I know.  I am a therapist. I have talked myself through this and other sorrows. Yes, you do get over it...eventually and you do get up in the morning and don't break into tears eventually, and yes the nights will become less filled with ghosts that don't let you sleep and yes the burning in your eyes will subside as you go through the pain and hurt and eventually one day, the sun clears your skies and you remember to smile again. You are never the same. Each and every single thing will be changed forever because you dared to love once again.