hot hot hot

It is at times difficult to believe that I am a Puerto Rican born in a small, hot rural village.  With the heat in NY scorching us to a whole new level. First of all I don't know what the heck is happening, is it menopause or has my testosterone level risen? I seriously sweat like a guy. Very unlady like I might add. Not that I am dainty and all sweetness. I have been known to fix a leak or two in my life. Yet, I am seriously hiding in my apartment in hopes that this heat will pass and I will be rewarded with what I deem to be a perfect summer day - 80 degress, with a slight breeze and no humidity. I don't think its a lot to ask for.

Back in Puerto Rico, we ran wild  and had a convenient little brook to soothe our hot skin. In my light summer cotton dress I roamed the outdoors and chased the chicks while the chickens chased after me to leave their little ones alone.  I am no longer 5, nor little, nor cute in my little summer cotton dress. With heat like this I am content to sit on my couch with the fan blowing right on me as I think of things to do in NYC for free, going to the outdoor cinema tonight and about the fact that I definitely need to get something for those dang mosquitos. A whole other story. I just love summer!!

Losing my balance during Shavasana

I am hot, dizzy and trying desperately to focus on what I set as my personal goal for the summer. Writing, simply writing. This is not such a simple goal, as I have been dealing with vertigo for a few days. 

At yoga the other day, sweating profusely, but feeling such a sense of balance and focus. All is right as the sweat pours off me and I have a hard time gripping mat in downward dog because my palms are so sweaty. As a true yogi, I love it. The sweat is a testament to my hard work and dedication. No, it is not Hot yoga as you may think, just plain ole Vinyasa, but the air conditioning is no great warrior to the  heat of  NYC.

I admire my yoga neighbor as she moves in fluid beautiful movement through her practice. He sweat glistens on her arms and she smiles radiantly. I can tell you that, though I am a regular practitioner, my grace is not what hers is. Being double her age, I am grateful for my flexibility and form and the fact that I can look around and say to myself "you are just fine".

At the end of our very hot practice I gladly hit the mat on my back for Shavasana. Overheated but happy for a practice that helps to erase all thoughts, whether by practice of meditation or just the fact that I have to focus so hard to stay balanced. Whatever the reason, Shavasana is my reward of self-love, acceptance and grounding my self in order to deal with life and the world.

I lay and close my eyes, feeling peaceful and proud that I did it inspite of my earlier wishes to skip it because of the heat.  All is lovely until the teacher ask that we now come up into sitting pose with our eyes closed. I roll over and gently rise to sit and holy moly......the world came spinning out of control, flipping, turning and dark. I grab the floor with both hands to steady myself .... it passes. "What the holy heck was that"? I have never had a spin out like that...well, only that one time when I had way too many homemade beers at McSorley's http://www.mcsorleysnewyork.com/home.html.

It was not pretty then and it is not pretty now well, and now I am hot sweaty mess. Thankfully, it passes, I sit in my sweaty state and smile and grip the floor. As fast as it came it left. I collected myself thinking I must surely be dehydrated and need more water. I walk home and its as if it never happened. Until I get home and I can't walk a straight line. "What the heck"? That was six days ago. The first two days were hell, driving me to get to the doctor out of fear that there was something seriously going on, like an aneurysm. I mean, what the heck do I know. My doctor says its viral. All my friends in their 50's say its menopause. Lovely, really lovely. I am so done with that thing. Menopause is like an unwelcome guest that shows up on your door and says "hey, I'm here and I plan to stay for awhile, so show me my room b*#&h". Well I hate this guest and its never ending BS.

I sigh. It's not going anywhere anytime soon from the looks of it. The spinning has subsided and I am left with a slight light-headedness and an occasional twirl. Like that awesome (not) tilt-a-whirl from our childhood. Something I never enjoyed....amusement park rides. Still don't!

Just looking at it and this screen is making me dizzy! See you again, when the head spins subside. Laying down is not an option.