Yesterday I rode the train into the city to meet my friend. A couple comes in and sits in front of me. I try hard not to stare. I watch every gesture, ever touch. It catches my breathe, the smallest most intimate touch. She reaches behind his ear and plays with his hair as he speaks quietly, directly at her, never looking away.
It has been a while since I've been hugged or touched by a partner, that the sight of two people doing the simplest act of love brings me to tears. I felt a lump in my throat as I held back the tears. This is what I do. I watch. I watch everyone interact. Friends, lovers, parents everyone. I feel raw some days with loneliness for my marriage. Sometimes to the point that I think I must be terribly messed up in allowing it to end. It becomes easy to forget the hurt and just remember the small moments of happiness in my loneliness.
Today I checked the mail, and there they were. My divorce papers. The familiar handwriting on the envelope. My husband has signed them and sent them so that I can finish the whole affair. It fills me with sorrow and though its been such a long time coming, I don't feel relief just sadness.
Two people with similar dreams. A beautiful wedding. Two broken hearts.